HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
