There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
