So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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