...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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