No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
