Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
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