His pubic hair was longer than his dick
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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