you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
