Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
