and you said cock pushups were impossible
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
