One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
