ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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