Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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