your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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