mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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