im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
