i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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