the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
