Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Randomize
