Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
