I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
