he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
