So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
