At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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