my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
