We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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