I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
