so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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