dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
