That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
