I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
