She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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