We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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