If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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