Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
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