you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
