that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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