it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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