You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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