He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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