Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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