At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
