I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
how do flat chested girls get laid?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
