I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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