I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
