Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
