dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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