eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
