I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
