please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
