Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
there is glitter all over my balls
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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