I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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