drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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