Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
