I can text with my tongue
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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