you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
