friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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