Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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