I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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