Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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